What is my focus

There have been a lot of things going on in my life lately that have added stress. For the past 15 years, my husband (with a heart of gold) let his Aunt and her family live in a house he owned becuase they could not get it in their name. Now, we never made any money on this house or charged them any rent. They paid the bills just as though it was their own house. A few years ago, we noticed that things were starting to need to be fixed up around there, so we took out a loan on the house for them to fix it. Unfortunately they took the money, spent it on other things and did not fix the house. In December of 2007, the family business was doing well and we went a little overboard on Christmas for the kids. (That should have been my first clue). My focus that year seemed to be on presents and how happy the kids would be instead of what Christmas was really about. 3 weeks before Christmas, we got a phone call from his aunt that said they had moved out. They left us with Novembers payment, Decembers payment and the taxes that they did not pay for that year. Now, let me tell you where my focus was that Christmas. NOT IN THE RIGHT PLACE!!! Since then, we have completly gutted not only the house, but our bank accounts, trying to get it to a place to sell. We even called a place called Ug Buys Ugly houses and even they would not take this house. It was DESTROYED!! They left clothes, a fridge full of food, couches, and it was a MESS!!! For the past year and a half, I have held a grudge towards them. My focus has been on how angry I am at them.

In the midst of all of this, I found out I was pregnant with child number 4, and the job I REALLY have wanted for the past 5 years may be opening up. Is this the right time for this job? If I pass it up, will I have the opportunity again? Well, I still don't know about the job, I have been patiently waiting for 2 months with no word if it is available yet. As if everyday life wasn't stress enough!!!

The house is just about finished and is on the market. We had a contract on it, but the man buying it lost his job the day of closing. We will never regain all we have put into this house, in either time or money. I have been a single mom for the past year and a half as Chris has put every spare moment into fixing it because we couldn't afford to have someone come in and do it.

Now, I ask myself, what is my focus? I have spent so much anger and so much hatred on this house and what is has done to us, I have lost focus. What was God trying to tell us? Maybe we shouldn't have gone overboard on Christmas that year, maybe it is time we all turn around and see what is important to us, maybe it was to put my priorities in order.

I am still trying to get over my anger. His aunt no longer talks to anyone in the family, does not come to any functions. We never see her. This has been hard for my children, especially my oldest. She was very close to them. I have tried very hard to not let them see any of this and to just think that they are busy and found a new place to live. I can't say I am completely over it, although I would like to.

My focus needs to change from where it was, to what it needs to be. We have grown as a family, my husband has gotten new confidence in what he is capable of doing. I just keep thinking, it has to sell soon (with such a great market we have right now ha ha). I don't know that my routine of praying for this will ever end. I think I will still pray daily for the house to sell even when it is gone since it has become such a big part of our lives. I know that I am supposed to ask for God's will to be done, but this time I am really hoping that his will is to sell this house and to get this job. I can't help but think that it is time that something goes right!! We have sacrificed a lot because of this house, but isn't that what we are called to do? All I can get out of this is that God has a GREAT sense of humor and I will be spending a lot of time in purgatory because of this house, but I have changed my focus of what is important and will be trying to live a simpler life.